Well, the past few days have been rather icky. The stress of my current financial situation and the realization that life is going to be completely over hauled next year, really hit me. I broke down the past two days, crying on and off. I don't have too many friends in the real world, and the one who I do have was gone which made things rather hard to deal with. Then, of course, my sisters were being interviewed and photographed for the paper because they're graduating early.
Don't get me wrong! I love them to death and I'm super proud of them, but I can't help that little voice that wonders "when will I get recognition for all I've done? Do I even deserve it?" I try so hard to help others, and don't ever really get a thank you. I don't need one, of course, seeing someone happy and able to move on in life because of something I did is thanks enough, but just once it'd be nice to get a 'good job' or something that shows they really appreciate what I did. Then, of course, I'd love to find someone who I help that would help me in return, when I get low... Because so far, no one in my life does that for me. I'll help them, but they never talk things out with my problems. It's okay, though, because I know not everyone has the ability or patience to help someone struggling with depression. It's a rather scary thing to be involved with, I know first hand.
But I'm past all of this now!
I feel totally renewed and I'm really starting to work harder on finding some kind of job that will help support me before I move this summer. I NEED a place to live, and I NEED the funds to support it. It's going to be a little easier (I hope) finding a job at my campus or near it, but I don't have a car so I can't travel very far either. I know, however, that everything's going to work out in the end, because it always does! I'm on the right path, and I will keep smiling because I know I will get there some day. Hardships cause us to learn and grow, which we can't really do if we don't suffer at some point.
I'm also working out again! I started riding my bike and I feel amazing because of it. I'm using my compression leggings as well as taking salt and my new medication called Florinef which I can't tell if it's helping or not. The only good thing about it so far, is that it hasn't caused me to feel the same symptoms I got with the midodrine. The downside, however, is that if this one doesn't work, I'm literally SOL and there isn't anything else I can take to treat my POTS symptoms. I'll have to rely on exercising, salt, and compression in hopes of keeping my symptoms at bay. I really hope it'll be okay and will work, because I want something to at least minimize these symptoms. I knew going into treatment, that you can't eliminate the symptoms fully, but you can at least decrease them.
This brings me to another topic.
I am trying to find ways to spread more awareness about this. I want to see if I can talk to someone somewhere, and see if we can figure out a way to get more funding for research into autonomic disorders because dysautonomia is not something many people know about. It's something, however, I think people should be aware of with how I've seen it coming out more now. I want there to be awareness and funding because we don't have a cure or real treatment plan just yet. For those of us who really don't get better with the treatment there is now (which is trying to treat the symptoms), we have nothing. I want there to be a cure some day, I want there to be some kind of treatment that will work for everyone. The only way this is going to happen is if people realize that this is A REAL THING.
Typing in POTS syndrome onto the internet within google, brings up things like "is it real?". I want this to go away, and I want people to realize that this is a real thing that others should know about. I've suffered so much because of this, and I want others to see that it's just as bad as other chronic illnesses that you can SEE. I'm still working on the details, but I'm going to try to figure out a way to raise more money and awareness.
That's about it for the update today! I hope this finds you well, and that you are all going to enjoy yourselves this weekend! I'm a bit of a busy bee the next few days, so we'll see if I can get another post in before Monday! I start my ASL (American Sign Language) class Monday as well, so I'm a little nervous because it's hard to drive where that is.
Anyways, I was getting off topic. We'll talk soon, and I hope you all are well!
- Rosie
No comments:
Post a Comment