Well, that was an unexpected two days off. I had meant to come on again last night and finally get on with this story of my diagnosis, but... It wasn't happening. I went to work out for 25 minutes and ended up talking with my friend for awhile longer due to some unfortunate situations going on in her life at the moment. Then after that, I just crashed due to rearranging my furniture due to a spider being found in my bed. You know, the logical thing to do after something like that transpires. I hate spiders, okay? Don't judge me!
Around February 6th, 2013
So, I was wrong in the last post about all of this. Things didn't really start to get too bad until AFTER this appointment itself.
I went back to the doctor, and we realized nothing was wrong with my heart itself. Having tested everything else, we needed to start looking at other things (and we never did an MRI, which to this day still bothers me. I have POTS, yes, but due to my anxiety I worry it's worse than that and I'm still not pleased she never did anything to look at my brain, because at the time, I was presenting symptoms of something much worse. If you cannot tell, I was not and am not pleased with how this situation was handled).
ANYWAYS!
We decided to check the function of my adrenal glands, as she thought I might have an adrenaline problem due to the heart rate and my body being sweaty randomly when I'm the type of person who never gets BO. So I had to do this lovely test that checked all of my hormones. It was a 24 hour urine sample test. Basically, you had this lovely little pee-catcher that you put over the toilet seat and did your business in that, then you had to pour it into a jug. My family laughed about it the entire time and referred to it as 'my pee jug'. It was somewhat embarrassing, but I got over it pretty fast by telling myself this would give me some answers. (Hahahaha. YEAH RIGHT)
I took it in the next morning, to ensure it got sent off right away, and we had to wait a few more days before it could come back due to it being out of our regular office. We also just found out recently, that our insurance doesn't really cover this and our doctor didn't inform us of this nor did they handle the situation well at all, so we have to pay 600+ dollars out of pocket now, due to their negligence. If this wasn't the only place our insurance covered, I guarantee you I'd be out of there faster than a kid running to their presents Christmas morning.
A few days later, when everything went to Hell
We got the results back, and everything was NORMAL. I could have told them that, because I had a feeling this was something strange within itself. I knew it wasn't related to hormones or anything of the sort. Well, I had been having some breast pain that day and because I didn't know if it could possibly be related to this issue or not, I sent the doctor a message about this. Because of this situation, she assumed I was paranoid and then remembered that I do see a psychiatrist for mental health... And decided to tell me that, after two tests, this was nothing and it was ALL anxiety related. I had NEVER been so angry or upset in my entire life. I saw that message and I broke down crying my eyes out.
I've dealt with anxiety for my entire life. I am twenty years old now, I know my body and I know how anxiety effects me. This came out of nowhere, I wasn't having any kind of stress. I wasn't in school, I loved my job, and that was it! Granted, my dad is a stressor in my life, but I've always dealt with him. That doesn't mean that I was even more stressed than usual and if I were, I'd have known. So she told me to go get psych evaluated and for those of you who suffer from mental health, you will know that this happens ALL THE TIME. My psychiatrist even agreed that it does.
So, I knew now that I would not be getting any kind of help unless I got cleared by a psych professional and because of this, I really started to doubt that something was wrong with me. I started to believe her, that it was all in my head and that I was just a big mess of mental health issues.
I set up an appointment with my psychiatrist and explained the situation, he wanted to see me as soon as possible, but soon as possible wasn't until early March, near my birthday.
I was down, and by this point, my depression was starting to spiral down as well. I wasn't happy or able to handle anything going on in my life. I put on a smile for everyone else but on the inside I was feeling incredibly discouraged.
I hate to leave this on such a sour note, but as per usual, this post has gotten away from me again. I will try to make another post tomorrow. I'm going to the gym again, and have some things to do, so I might end up too tired to do much of anything but if not, you can bet there'll be another post here.
May the Fourth be with you and I hope all is well!
- Rosie
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