I've been gone for awhile. Yeah, I know. I'm sure you've all missed me tons and bunches which is totally cool. -insert sarcasm here- Haha. I kid.
I don't even remember what I was planning on doing with this blog nor do I remember what I was doing with my actual Tumblr blog. A lot of things happened and a lot of personal growth and discovery occurred as well.
I needed some much needed time away from dedicating my time to something like this and now I'm here, full swing again (or I'll try to be).
So! Some updates here....
I may be repeating some things, but here it goes:
I am STILL in college. Woo! Last semester was super, super freaking terrible. It wasn't because I didn't do a good job, it's because my disability services that were supposed to be there for support were not. Long story short, they totally screwed me over and I just had a meeting with the Vice Chancellor of the school to rectify this situation. Let me tell you... Having POTS and anxiety together with a situation THIS big is freaking terrifying. I felt like I was going to pass out but I did it and that's what matters.
Staying on this subject slightly, I've made the realization that people are not going to understand POTS sometimes and sometimes those people are the ones who are supposed to be the support in your life. When you suffer from invisible illness (and those of you reading this who do can probably sympathize), you have a lot of people who don't take you seriously. I've read about it but only just recently started to experience it.
However, I'm a stubborn b**** when I want to be and I will not back down without a fight. Hard work and dedication is what counts here!
But I digress....
I'm on academic probation currently because of this situation and I'm incredibly angry. It's resulted in a whirlwind of depression and low self respect because I didn't think I was good enough even though I'm an A and B student and this wasn't even my fault.
I had said before that I wouldn't let myself get as low as I was and I'm not ashamed to admit that it did happen again. I've realized that we all have our moments of weakness and it's the way we handle them that makes us strong. I'm slowly getting there with feeling better about myself and I am happy to say I have an amazing support system with my family.
As for my living situation -- I still live on my own and it's amazing! We're making small steps to help me get more self sufficient. It seems like it may take awhile but I'm glad it's happening at all because I felt I wouldn't get there for awhile a few months back.
My roommate situation is not great, however. I'm not sure if I mentioned but fate really threw me a wrench with my first living situation. Dealing with a harassing roommate that resulted in my needing to talk with law enforcement twice was definitely not how I pictured my first true year of college.
But if we forget all of this and see past it... I am doing AMAZINGLY.
I am really happy and I'm making strides towards graduating. I met with my advisor and we've determined I should be holding my diploma in my hand by the Spring of 2018. Yeah, I'm behind schedule but who cares? At least I'm HERE. I didn't think I would be when I first got diagnosed with POTS and Celiac Disease. I thought I'd continue to fail but I'm happy to say I should be off Academic Probation and that I should pass all my classes with at least a B.
I also turned 21 and that feels amazing as all heck. I'm running a student organization too, that I raised up from the ground last semester and I'm beyond pleased to say that we've got at least 13 steady members who continuously show up to meetings and we're growing even more. I'm doing so well and I couldn't be more pleased.
Sure, this may sound like bragging but it's not... I wanted to share all of this because I wanted to reach out to those of you who are suffering so that I can say:
IT GETS BETTER!!! *throws confetti* You WILL see a day that you feel better. Sometimes, it takes patience. It was a hard lesson for me to learn but now that I've seen how easily things can fall into place, I know that I just have to try to take things one step at a time.
You are strong, you are beautiful, you are an incredible human being and you WILL make it through this and that is what I've decided to do with my Tumblr and POTS blog. I will be here every step of the way, sharing my experiences so that you know you are not alone. I am here for you.
Thank you and I hope you all are well. It's great to be back!
xoxo
~ Rosie
